Its been a rough couple of months. I’ve made some difficult decisions, supported friends as they go through difficult times, and they’ve supported me. I’m learning that life isn’t about perfection, but the time you spend with people.
I spent so much time with one particular person, and yes, you know who you are, that to have that person gone has broken something inside me. I’ve crumbled, I’ve cried, I’ve said things and thought about doing things that quite frankly are below me and unbecoming. So I’m taking a stand for myself.
I’m seeking help to get through it and move past it. I’m slowly putting myself back together. I miss you, and it hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt before, but I have to keep going. I did what I did because, in all honesty, I couldn’t take anymore of the mind games, the selfishness, the control issues.
I’ve been asked if I’m happier since I walked away. The honest answer? I can’t be sure. Free, certainly. I’ve gained quite a bit of myself back in this short time. I’ve realized that everything I’ve done in my short 21 years does in fact mean something. I’m terrified that I’ll end up alone, but I think I’d rather end up alone and still free than with someone who has to control every aspect of my life.
So this is me, taking my life back and putting myself together again. In 2012, I did an internship. I graduated from college. I got a job in my field close to home in a failing economy. All of that, before my 21st birthday.
So in 2013, its time to find myself again. Its my time to shine and fly. I’m finally going to start some projects I’ve only dreamt of since childhood. I’ll travel more, I’ll meet new people while getting closer to the people I have, and I’m done with gilded cages. The first few days of the new year have been an emotional roller coaster, but I can see things turning around, getting better, and I plan on going straight to the top.
The best way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t, because I’m too stubborn to let you be right. I have to prove you wrong. That piece of me was never lost. And that piece is the key to pulling the rest of me back together.